Conversations in French

Her: Bonjour Monsieur, <...>?  [NZ: Hi, how can I help?]
Me: Bonjour Madame, un/e cafe pour moi, s'il vous plait  [NZ: Hi, a coffee for me please]
Her: <...>petit<...>?  [NZ: small or large coffee?]
Me: Un/e petit cafe s'il vous plait  [NZ: just a small one thanks]
Her: <...>, merci  [NZ: ok, thank you]

Comment 1: Wahoo, I've just ordered my first coffee, which by default is always a small expresso (I've only occasionally been asked about its size or milkiness, and I think even then I am only asked because I sound like a foreigner).

Comment 2: Note my use of the word un/e, pronounced somewhere between "uhn" and "oon".  All French nouns are boys (use un) or girls (use une), and I don't know which one cafe is.  I seem to get away with un/e, and I use it indiscrimately for anything I'm not sure of.

Comment 3: As all you French experts know (and as I now know), cafe is a boy (it's a very masculine drink).  A good rule of thumb seems to be that nouns ending in "e" are girls, and just to confuse things "cafe" ends in an "e-acute" not an "e".

Him: Bon soir Monsieur [NZ: Good evening sir]
Me: Bon soir Monsieur, une table pour deux, s'il vous plait [Hi, a table for two please]
Him: <indicates where to sit>
Me: Merci [NZ: Thank you]

Comment 4: Wahoo again, we've got a table at a restaurant, and wahoo, table ends in "e", it's a girl, and I am confident of saying une not un/e

Comment 5: Many French words are pronounced with silent letters.  One that I (and you) should definitely not get wrong is Monsieur, which is supposed to be pronounced "M'sieur".  "Mon chien" means "my dog", and sounds very similar to a literal pronounciation of Monsieur!

Comment 6: You probably know all this stuff anyway, but what you may not know is that for me (not well regarded in the French or English departments at school), having conversations in French in France is enormous fun.  Far more satisfying than just using single words such as oui, non, s'il vous plait, merci [NZ: yes, no, please, thank you].  I have been speaking French whenever I reasonably can, even when the other person speaks English.  And I can just about carry out a full conversation in French provided it is a very narrow subject and I know the kind of words that are going to be used.  I've been trying to include as many details as possible in my sentences to avoid having to understand too many clarification questions!

Waouh!!